united states of ______________

It really freaks me out when I hear what initially sounds like a scream of sheer panic or terror, until I realize that the cry has only come from somebody's kid in the park being tickled, and crying out in joy. That's fucked up, isn't it? How your stomach can go from being completely sick as your nervous system is suddenly alert and your adrenaline instinctually begins to pump. Until you turn and realize that although you thought first to the negative, the only thing you were afraid of was a parent playing with their child. It's a sad state to live in, when you think first of the bad and are actually surprised to see the good. 

But in the end, like I've said a thousand times, you have to continue to allow yourself to see the good or you really will be submersed in shit.

I'm only in a crappy mood because we just finished watching The United States of Leland, which I suppose was meant to be a mood piece about the harshness of reality. To me, it was just this huge failure with a sexy boy playing the lead role. Kevin Spacey bombed! I understand that the movie was made to tell a story, but I can't help wondering - is it really so wrong to hope for a happy ending?

I am not saying that every movie has got to have that cliched Hollywood ending in order for one to leave satisfied. We are not paying 14 bucks for an evening show at the theater to see the same damn ending with each passing film. But the reality of it is that sometimes, things do end up alright.

This is not necessarily a problem of the film, however. I mean the movie had other problems, sure. It was no Oscar nominee, that is for damn certain. So it's more my problem, as I was sitting there just hoping for any one of the characters to even dare to smile (which they did not). The truth of it is that there probably wasn't any good in the story that was being told. And more often than it should be, this is reality. Thus, maybe it's not so much wrong to hope for a happy ending as it is to be disappointed when there simply isn't one. It's human nature to wish for the good, isn't it? Because if it wasn't, I do not think the world would still exist. It just seems like with every single day that passes, it becomes a little bit harder to hope. 

I guess what I'm saying is that I want to use any sort of talent I may possess to make somebody feel better. To show them the good that still exists, and how easy it is to smile, even at the most trivial things. I just can't support a life where sadness dominates the alternative. That's just not life at all, is it?

Anyway, happiness or sadness, I suppose I should just be happy that we can even feel anything at all these days. It's better than being completely numb.

Here is some good that I've seen lately, just for the sake of insomnia and smiling. 

I've started writing again. My mind feels like it's open again, for now, and I'm not going to take that for granted this time. 

I need something to come from it. 

it's all happening

so i used to think that life had this awesome way of kicking you in the ass when you were down. 

i even have a binder full of angst ridden teenage poetry to prove it. 

but the older i get, though i'm still relatively a baby in the eyes of many, i think i've started to realize that you just have to suck it up and try, through all your bullshit, selfish pessimism, to see it from the other side. yes, there is another side. the world isn't flat, and the constant motion of everything around us allows us this intangible freedom to angle good vs. evil, clean vs. dirty, stylish vs. trendy, handsome vs. fugly, elderly vs. youthful, etc, in a way that works for the better rather than the worse. right?

so that's my goal for now anyway. it's not so much positivity or optimism as it is just trying to see both sides and angle the better side towards my benefit. hmm.

because really, it seems to me that there are moments in life where everything just comes together in a way that, while not perfect (nor necessarily intended), still gives you with the feeling that everything is as it should be. 

everything in its right place.

just a post-radiohead inspired thought.

anyway, earlimart pics from the free show at Amoeba on 7/8

(special special thanks to aaron espinoza for the fantastic hourlong orgasm).

when you see bands like earlimart playing free shows at independent record stores, you just have to stop and think that no matter how much shit is going down in our world right now, we would not exist without the good. and there is still good, you just have to get off your ass and find it. 

also, i continue with each passing day to forget to call my dear friend bryan back. maybe if i see this tomorrow i will remember before 

2 am.

gonna break into your heart

Come see Earlimart play a free show today (7/8) at Amoeba Records on Sunset @ 7:00!

Listen here.

Also, read a great interview with the band here.

:)

p.s.

hahahahahhaha.

if you want s'more:

Listen to: Let Me Introduce My Friends by I'm From Barcelona.

keep cool my babies

little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling

b.r.e.a.k.i.n.g.n.e.w.s

i made a new photo site! now you can all have access to the hundreds of photos i have taken to keep me sane right here:

click me

so please, support your fellow artist and see things like i do for a couple of minutes.

Today I relearned the importance of randomness and drinking water.

Hannah, Emmy, Natalie, Julia, and Tony day took us 35 minutes outside our mid-wilshire apartment to Eagle Rock on a mission to see art and hear music. The grass was dying but the people were stylish. 

Driving home later, mapquestless and dehydrated, Natalie got a bit lost and took a random exit off the 101 in the middle of LAMexico, only to find a sign proclaiming we were a block away from the Los Angeles Heritage Square Museum. What?? Cool!! In the end, when it is 90 degrees out and you've been cruising down Figueroa for 30 minutes with no AC or direction home, it's one of those situations where all you can really do is suck it up and live in the moment.

 Thus, we ended up wandering down the quiet street to find the "museum," a tiny street of Los Angeles heritage lined with historic, restored homes and buildings.

 It was like walking onto an eery, empty, colonial movie set square in the middle of a hilly version of nowhere. You know those old WWII and Vietnam bomb sites in the middle of the desert, where the army would build entire neighborhoods with front lawns and furnished homes, only to test out nuclear warfare? That's what it reminded me of, but it was totally cool. Sometimes, that is simply the best. 

The rest of the afternoon involved a severely oversized metal insect on a front lawn (see exhibit A below), a 75% thrift store sale on Highland (don't bother!!!), a much needed swim, and a gigantic black bean / rice / guacamole burrito. And then, falling asleep on the couch from sun and food overdose, I remembered why exactly I love LA in the summertime.

^ Exhibit A ^

to do list:

Life has been pleasantly uneventful since the return from Newport. 

Fourth of July was a bit too eventful, but there were fireworks, and in the end, that is all that matters. Thanks to Natalie for having a beautiful party and an endless supply of mango rum, vodka&punch, and apricot beer.

also, a very special thanks to Jesus for getting everybody home safely and making sure my camera wasn't broken.

However, no matter how unfortunate it may be, not every day can be the Fourth of July. Thus, between applying for jobs and getting ready to bail on LA for two weeks on the 14th, my time has mostly been consumed by:

Movies:

How I fell in love with Charlie Bartlett.

If you haven't seen this film yet, rent it (or Netflix, you lazy bastards). You will not be sorry. 

CB is one of those movies that people rent for Rob Downey Jr. and end up loving because of the underdog. Boy hottie Charlie serenades us on the grand piano, laughs, cries, has sex for the very first time, and counsels those around him from a bathroom stall. All the while teaching us that the only hope we'll ever really know is the comfort that comes from not fitting in and realizing that rather than alienating us, we are more-so united. Anton Yelchin was heartbreaking and hilarious and well worth the $3.50+ at Ho-Vid.

(Don't forget to watch for 3, yes 3, of your favorite Degrassi alumni cameos).

Sanity vs. Normalcy has never been so... cute?

Find a dirty independent theater (or pay 14 bucks at the Hollywood Arc-Light like we did) to see The Wackness.

Wet, hot, 1994 NYC summer. 1 hour and 45 minutes of epic psychologist/patient team-worked drug deals, sexy summertime beach sex, heartbreak, old-school hip hop, random semi-celeb cameos, and NY slang = a nearly full theater that literally stood an applauded the movie upon finish. Needless to say, Mary Kate Olsen dazzles (obviously) for a few prideful moments, and the de-virginized ex-Nickelodeon star of the film Josh Peck was phenomenal. LOVE love loved this movie, which is great, because the trailer made it out to look like absolute shit.

Both these movies involve late-teen boys involved in a lot of that same Holden Caulfield-esque bullshit and pull it off pretty damn well. 

Music:

A little late notice but worth mentioning anyway:

Whatever you do, do not miss The Growlers or The Nightbirds!!! + Ana Calderon DJing. If I am getting out of bed then you should too.

Listen to: March Fourth by KaiserCartel. Yummy gorgeous self indulgent folkpop. 

Love.It.

TV:

My sister and I devoted any spare time during the past seven days to watching the entire season of Freaks and Geeks on DVD. Six disks. Eighteen episodes. That's about sixteen and a half hours of footage, not to mention all the special features, interviews, and outtakes. Honestly, sometimes AC blasted afternoons spent watching shows about people whose lives rival your own in terms of humiliation and frustration turn out nothing short of perfect. 

ALSO "worth" noting: Our very favorite bachelorette DeAnna Pappas will be choosing the father of her future children this Monday night on ABC. Jason vs. Jesse. Sensitive, compassionate father-of-one vs. ultra-sexy yet immature pro snowboarder. When you are 26 years old and want to pop out 3 children by the time you are 30, the choice just seems blazingly obvious.

You will find me kickin it in the dugout batting  for team Jason, during which time I will be planning out just how much it will cost me in gas milage to drive up to Breckenridge and heal Jesse's broken heart.

Lit (or lack there of):

Blair Magazine

read. it. 

Etc:

THE NEW BILL VIOLA VIDEO INSTALLATION AT THE GETTY!!! Hurry hurry hurry please before it goes away. There is no excuse not to visit The Getty anyway when it's so goddamn gorgeous outside and the entrance fee is FREE. Nothing in LA is free!! Bring a hand to hold and stay for the whole video, then call me and tell me I was right/wrong/criminally insane for recommending you all do this.

OH, oh. And the outrageously sexy & mind numbing photographer Philip-Lorca diCorcia has a display going on at LACMA right now that'll be up through September. Here is a man who sees the world exactly as I want to see it, and it makes me jealous, uncomfortable, and so incredibly stoked about living.