the following is a brief and simplified list of the remnants of nearly 14 years past:
a couple ghostly looking antique postcards from the old towne orange shops, a couple love letters from exes that have probably been folded and unfolded nearly 200 times, dried prom corsages with the photos to accompany, hello kitty stationary, magazine cut outs, seventh grade cartoons by megan, 2 notable mix tapes from 2 notable old friends, baseball cards from the st. johns era, stamped letter envelopes with no letter inside, photos with faces torn away and blacked out, valentines day cards from 5th grade, 7th grade, and 12th grade, tiny toys from quarter machines, an 11th grade activity where each member of Herro's english class had to write something nice, even assorted colored and flavored condoms from god knows when or where.
it was a tiny bit awkward and painstakingly honest to trip down memory lane, thumbing over each item and pausing a bit to wonder why in the hell i'd saved it for years past. honestly, some of the shit in that box can be traced back to the fourth grade. each item has a story, and the greatest part is that whether or not it means anything to me now, it meant something to me then. obviously it meant enough for me to place it away in a spot that i'd find it again someday, sort of like whoever i was wanted whoever i was going to be to remember. and going through it now, i blushed, i laughed, i retraced letters. i forgot familiar names. i forgot some age old faces. i cried reading through the playlist my senior year boyfriend created 3 days before we left for college. and then i smiled and remembered. life can be funny.
in the end, i guess, it's just sort of proof.
proof that emotion still exists in a world where at times it is so easy to allow yourself to remain incredibly numb; to drift.
proof that i was once capable of feeling something other than anxiety, indifference, or paralyzing self doubt.
and maybe that's all we need sometimes. little reminders from whoever we used to be, letting us know that things were okay once, and will be okay again sometime soon. what matters now might not ever matter again, and what seems so incredibly pointless in the present might end up meaning the world sometime down the road.
life goes on if we allow it.
so write things down. record your dreams. collect. save for the future.
it was a tiny bit awkward and painstakingly honest to trip down memory lane, thumbing over each item and pausing a bit to wonder why in the hell i'd saved it for years past. honestly, some of the shit in that box can be traced back to the fourth grade. each item has a story, and the greatest part is that whether or not it means anything to me now, it meant something to me then. obviously it meant enough for me to place it away in a spot that i'd find it again someday, sort of like whoever i was wanted whoever i was going to be to remember. and going through it now, i blushed, i laughed, i retraced letters. i forgot familiar names. i forgot some age old faces. i cried reading through the playlist my senior year boyfriend created 3 days before we left for college. and then i smiled and remembered. life can be funny.
in the end, i guess, it's just sort of proof.
proof that emotion still exists in a world where at times it is so easy to allow yourself to remain incredibly numb; to drift.
proof that i was once capable of feeling something other than anxiety, indifference, or paralyzing self doubt.
and maybe that's all we need sometimes. little reminders from whoever we used to be, letting us know that things were okay once, and will be okay again sometime soon. what matters now might not ever matter again, and what seems so incredibly pointless in the present might end up meaning the world sometime down the road.
life goes on if we allow it.
so write things down. record your dreams. collect. save for the future.
you can not ever know what is coming, or even where you are truly headed. but i learned tonight that sometimes it does help to remember where you have been.
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